Category Archives: Twilight


Last night I had a dream that Chuck Bass was a vampire. Which, if you have ever seen Gossip Girl, is really not that far-fetched. (Gorgeous, hypnotic, intoxicating, venomous – check, check, check, check.)

There was even a moment in the car where I was just about to suggest he put on his seat-belt, ontly to remember that being a vampire, he didn’t exactly need one. (Hello – Immortal?)

Unfortunately, I can’t exactly recall every single detail of said dream, but I do remember that we were being chased by something or someone, that it was dark out, and that the sexual tension was… Mmmm…

Oh, and one other thing I remember? I woke up before anything dirty could happen.

Stupid. Effing. Alarm. Gaaahhh!!!!

*Smash, bang, stomp*

So I guess I will just have to content myself with delicious little clips such as these:

See you all tomorrow for another edition of Slutty Sundays!



Filed under Gossip Girl = Love, Lust, Random, Twilight

Because He Needs Me

Last night I had a dream about someone.

No, not that someone! The person I dreamt about was someone I have never met, talked to, or had any form of contact with, ever, in my entire life….

Yes, you guessed it, it was a celebrity!

But it wasn’t dirty. Which is sad. (Honest to God, I remain a virgin, even in my dreams! Something has gone terribly wrong…)

Anyway…. in my dream, I was in a large, white room, which was crowded with people attending some sort of function. I have no idea what the function was, nor did it ever occur to me to ask. (As it happens, I’m pretty sure my dream self was none too concerned with the goings-on around her… which is so unlike me… clearly!) At some point or another, I managed to find myself standing next to none other than aforementioned celebrity. But I was like, cool as Le cucumber, of course, because in my mind I know that celebrities are just people and really nothing to scream about (especially as said screaming would probably frighten them) no matter how hot they might be.

I suppose I should tell you who this celebrity was, but I don’t want to. Oh, all right…. it was Robert Pattinson(!)

Robert Pattinson

Seriously, you can stop rolling your eyes now, I can see you from here!

So there I was, standing next to Robert Pattinson, who was gazing off into the distance with a vaguely worried look on his face…

(Now to give this dream some context, I do sympathize with this person in real life… if you have ever seen an interview in which he is asked to answer several questions whilst hoards of teenage girls scream the entire time, you know that he doesn’t exactly get to have a normal life. Some guys would view this as just about the best thing ever, but he doesn’t seem to be too fond of it… plus, the paparazzi’s a bitch, we all know that! )

Sooner or later, I managed to negotiate putting my arm through his… which could have honestly gone over semi-badly considering that we didn’t know each other. But he seemed fine with it… more than fine actually, he seemed to appreciate, even encourage it! I let my hand rest on his sleeve, as he gently twisted his arm up, cradling my arm with his… my hand slid tenderly to the bare skin of his wrist, and the heat of his body was so intense that it shocked me… but not enough to move.  We stayed like this, arm-in-arm, side-by-side, for who knows how long… him, staring into the distance… and me, standing beside him, steeling glances at his face, silent, strong, and supportive.

At one point, another girl came up to him hoping for an autograph. He declined, politely, and continued his steady gaze past her, at no conceivable person, place, or thing. Soon it was time for him to go, and the reason for his morbid concentration became clear.

A huge, garage-like door opened up, and a monstrous crowd of screaming, hysterical girls was revealed. Robert was ushered out of the building and through the crowd, never to be seen by me again.

There had been no exchange of names, no attempt at conversation… and though I suppose I didn’t exactly want for him to go, it never really occurred to me to be sad about it. I had given him what he needed… that strong, wordless support of someone who didn’t require a thing. Someone who understood… if only in theory.

Now, writing this, I had intended to cap-off the dream re-telling by saying something like:

Seriously, what the hell? Why in the world am I having dreams about being a strong, silent form of support for a hot, brooding, famous man?! I should be having dreams about hot, sweaty sex… about taking the world by storm…. about anything rather than hour-long hand-holding!

But now, having written the whole thing… and consequently seeing it in a new light… I think – Why not?

Maybe this isn’t just about being the support for someone else…

Maybe this is about wanting someone who can be the support for me

Maybe this is about needing someone to provide that strong, selfless form of companionship; who can simply stand there and take some of the weight off.

Or maybe I just have a crush on Robert Pattinson, and want a good reason to hold his hand in my dreams!

Because, clearly, he needs me!


Filed under Fandemonium, Love, Lust, Twilight

The Big One: In Which Twilight Makes Me Famous

This weekend was the release of the epic Twilight DVD.

As a fan of said movie, it was thus my time to come out of the shadows and join with the crazies as we revelled in all our collective fandemonium (see words fan and pandemonium). We convened at a local Borders, a wild luster of anticipation and excitement in our eyes, as we waited for that pivitol moment when the clock would strike twelve and our craziness would be rewarded.

My favorite part of the whole evening was not, however, finally claiming my copy of the DVD, as I had already pre-ordered mine online (it still hasn’t come … Silly Rabbit). Instead, the night reached its ultimate climax when my answer for “favorite movie moment” was pulled out of a hat (was it a hat? I really don’t know.) Sensing a prime opportunity for subversive behavior, I had written down my actual favorite moment in a way that would undoubtedly make me sound like a total bitch, or like someone who didn’t really like the movie at all…

Unfolding the little piece of paper, None-too-impressed employee #1 began to read the 9th answer out of what had been mostly sappy, obvious responses. Me and my friend Alana (who had also won for an answer with some actual originality) were crossing our fingers. It was going to be too sad if mine wasn’t picked. It just had to happen.

“This person’s favorite movie moment…” she began, with feigned interrest, “was… when Bella was dying.” She deliverd the line nice and slowly, a true professional with a flair for the dramatic pause, and laughed. Smiling to myself at the sheer comedic genious that is me, I made my way up to the front of the crowd as girls cheered, laughed, and one woman said something like, “That’s terrible!” in a very dissaproving tone. Once there, None-too-impressed (until now) employees #1 and 2 smiled appreciatively and handed me my prize. A dinky picture of Emmit in his backwards baseball cap. Lame. But what did I care? Clearly, the real prize here was the glory.

Later, as I perused the Writing Supplies section and waited for Alana to purchase her DVD, a girl of about 12 came up to me, said “I liked your favorite moment!” and ran away. Satisfied in having passed on my morbid sense of irony to an impressionable youth, the night was thus complete.

However, that was two days ago (okay, technically one day since it was a midnight release party) and my DVD still isn’t here.

 Note to shipping companies: when I pre-order something that is said to come out on a specific date, I mean business… let’s not tempt my sanity into deteriorating anymore, shall we? We both know it’s not the end of the world… but come on, if you had done this to the Harry Potter people, they would have had your ass on a plate. Just sayin’.


Filed under Fandemonium, Harry Potter, Twilight

Don’t Be Fooled

He’s Just Not That Into You, In a Nutshell

Act 1: The Scenario
Alex and Gigi meet at the bar where he (Alex) works and she (Gigi) hopes to run into a man who never called (even though he said he would.) Alex, sensing Gigi’s desperation, tells her flat out that if the guy she’s stalking wanted to call her, he would. Thus, “he’s just not that into you” is uttered for the first time in a movie which bears it’s name.

Act 2: The Plot Thickens
Gigi, surprisingly relieved by the brutal, unsympathetic truth, begins asking Alex for advice on a regular basis. This leads to the two spending quite a lot of time together, whether on the phone or in person. One night, as Gigi sits at home watching “Some Kind of Wonderful,” she is struck by the sudden realization that Alex is in love with her(!) or must be.”There are all these signs!” She trills, in a much too familiar voice (to me).

Act 3: The Climax (without a “climax”)

(This is where those who fear spoilers should skip ahead)

Gigi, convinced of Alex’s love for her, stays late at a party he is hosting and proceeds to “throw her body at him.” Confused and alarmed, Alex scolds Gigi, saying, “You take every little detail and throw it out of proportion!” (Or something to that effect. Seriously, I can’t be expected to remember the exact line!) Nearly defeated, for once, Gigi tells him that “She’d rather be like that than be like him.” According to her, Alex is even further from finding love than she is, because, hello, he has a serious problem with cynicism! The truth of her words is evident in Alex’s responding “Shit, she’s right” expression.

Act 4: The Resolution

Alex, taking extremely well to being yelled at by his friend, realizes he has fallen for Gigi. So he shows up at her apartment one night, confesses his love, and (when she simply will not shut up or stop “rejecting” him) kisses her and says something so predictably sweet that it would be absolutely nauseating if it weren’t for Justin Long.

My Problem:

This would NEVER happen in real life! Usually, when a girl yells at a guy for not being in love with her, he does not proceed to then actually fall in love with her. To guys, as far as I can tell, such a speech would communicate far too many needs and make said girl look “high maintenance.” I love Ginnifer Goodwin and especially Justin Long, but I can’t believe this ending. I really can’t.

For those of you wondering why the hell I am re-capping a movie that came out decades ago (or, more precisely, a month), my answer is this:

I am moving on! The crush on The Coworker still lives (I cannot lie), but it is dying more and more each day (Yay death! said the hopelessly jaded blogger.)
He is not interested in a relationship, I am. He may very well be attracted to me (Come on, he so is), but one heated affair in the back room at work is not going to satisfy my every want and need, but instead create a whole other set of needs that I will in turn expect him to fulfill. And he can’t. And honestly, I don’t think I’d want him to, not if it meant tricking him into giving me something (a relationship) that he never really wanted to give in the first place.

So, as of now, we are moving on, we are obsessing about Twilight, we are brainstorming ideas for possible script-writing projects, we are re-embracing singledom (and by “we” I of course mean me!)

And you know what? It feels kind of good.

P.S. I’m upgrading to a Justin Long.


Filed under Fandemonium, Happiness, Horrifying everyday stuff, Lust, Twilight