Category Archives: I am an Embarrassment to Myself

Change Is… Easy

I have a talent, a wonderful thing… ’cause when I start to get bored I do some pretty strange things! When I’m not microwaving little princes or writing Adrien Brody fan fiction, I do something I have always been fond of… ever since I was a little girl. That thing is dress-up.

Occasionally, I will break out the fake blood and become a wicked-awesome vampire… but seeing as my hair is already far too dark these days, I decided to go another way. I pin-up-y way. Kind of.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the results of the photo-shoot entitled  “Amber and the wig that won’t quit”

Elven(ish)

I Know

Hmmm

Skank

And to show what I mean by Pin-Up-y (and keep in mind these are not that great… and also that I can hear you laughing at me already!)

 

So Sophisticated. Really.Oh my god, it's so exhausting being this hot!Have a good week people, I’ll catch you later!

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Filed under Appearances are(n't) everything, Happiness, I am an Embarrassment to Myself, Lust, Pictures

I’m just [NOT] your type

In this phase of my life, I am under constant renovation. I need change, I seek change, so I change myself.

In the past, my many re-inventions where out of some odd compulsion to discover what “type” of girl I was. I simply had to know. And, oddly enough, finding a header to put myself under was no easy task. In fact, I found it so damn impossible to “figure myself out”, that at some point or another, I simply stopped trying. But along the way, it was more than a little funny.

Here are some of the types I thought I might fit into, at some piont, and the reasons why they were eventually a total fail:

Type #1: The Tom boy

Honestly, I have no idea why this type ever occurred to me. I would blame latency (it was around age 10 or 11), but I know for a fact that I did like boys… Come to think of it, did I ever even have a period of latency? Perhaps when I was a tiny baby or something? Anyway, I digress. The reasons for my attraction to this type are unclear, but the reasons for my complete failure at it are not… For one thing, I have zero eye-hand coordination. Sports are evil, I can’t play them. And yes, trying to look “cool” in that hard-core 90’s way *laughs* only made me look like a fool, LIKE A FOOL (Sorry, Phoebe from Friends snuck in at the end there!)

Type #2: The Prepster

This one I tried in middle school (grades 7 and 8, ages 12 and 13), probably because all the white kids at my school (of which I was one) were either band geeks or preps… and there was no way I was going to try and learn an instrument in front of hoards of other kids, so… I tried to be a prep. And yes, I failed. I was painfully shy (although at the time I preferred the term “quiet”) so socializing in general was not one of my strong points… I also had this weird thing about not wanting people to know how little money I had (preps are supposed to be loaded, after all), so when someone asked me where I got my amazing glitter jeans, instead of saying “Sears” (which is where I got them) I said “I don’t remember” (which is unbelievable). Hi, weird much? (The correct answer is “yes”, by the way.)

Type #3: The California Girl

Haha, now this one is funny. Being that I am in fact from California, you would think that personifying the “California Girl” would be easy. Not so. First off, this one was doomed from the start for a very particular reason: I was attempting to imitate my younger sister. My younger sister has always been the prettier one (it’s true), is waaaay easier to get along with than I am (sometimes), and as for that whole “California look” – she has it in spades. I am not saying that I want to be like my younger sister now (because, hello?! – then I wouldn’t get to be me!) but there was a time where I just thought it would be so much easier. Another reason why the California look was not for me? I am VERY pale… and brunette… and I have somewhat sharp features (in places)… and long hair makes me antsy… and oh yah, I’m moody. California? I don’t think so.

Type #4: The Glamour Girl

Being glamorous was never in the cards for me. For one thing, it costs a lot of money, which I don’t have. For another, it costs money which I don’t have. Okay, okay – the real reason why I can in no way be considered for this type is because my lifestyle just doesn’t support it. I work in a small shop in Touristville, where the uniform is jeans and a hideous black t-shirt (I mean really, way to hide all my good curves and make me look more like a line-backer than I ever cared to! Yah… thanks!) I also have no tolerance for alcohol, which makes me dizzy and tired (Not fun? No.)… and I’m pretty sure glamour girls drink. And, right, I’m too immature. No, really, I like Abba SingStar and I own several movies which I mercilessly mock the entire time they are playing… and I like it that way. Maturity? Fabulousness? No thanks, I’ll take childish laughter and enthusiasm any day!

And finally,

Type #5: The Indie Girl

Some of you may already know where this is going… Indie girls can’t play Abba SingStar and like it… they can’t own the movies they mock… and they certainly can’t wear glitter jeans with a pink boat-neck tee and white sneakers (because someone will find that picture, and it will all be over for you). You also have to become a bit of a snob (which I am good at) and know all the cool movies, music, and designers that the rest of the poor bastards out there have never even heard of. I have tried, and in some areas I have succeeded… mostly because by some miracle, almost every time someone would make an obscure reference to something, I would have heard about it exactly two days prior… no joke! In the end though, I knew the truth – I was not cool! And you know what? I’m okay with that.

So there you have it, a myriad of things I am not now, nor will ever be… EVER!

Then what am I, you may ask?

I, my fellow (and female) bloggers, am WEIRD. Yes, that’s right. I have come to accept and even love this about myself and now it is officially time to own it. My name is Amber and I am weird. And proud, bitches!

***

As for those of you who thought I was emo…

You’re wrong. Just becuase I have dark hair and write poetry and pout a lot (that’s just how my face is!) does not mean I am emo. Emo girls don’t like “Mamma Mia!” They’re not allowed.

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Filed under Happiness, I am an Embarrassment to Myself, Mamma Mia Madness, Retail Strife (A.K.A. My Job)

Love Stinks

I think the Blog Crush may have gone off me (read: stopped liking me) a bit since I wrote that rather long-winded post (now embedded in my mind as The  Epic Mistake post!*) Which is sad. But also great! Because it adds some much needed context to this video….

And to think I’d almost forgot about the genius that is this song –

Update: The Blog crush and I have broken up. Don’t ask from what. I really couldn’t say (because I really don’t know!)

Also, I’m very sorry the video cut out before you could see Adam Sandler get punched in the face. It’s very cathartic.

And yes, I will post a real blog again soon. You know, one with some actual content? I Promise.

* I have since re-named this post from “Good Luck Reading My Mind, It’s a Real Piece of Work” to “The Epic Mistake Post.” It just fit better!

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Filed under Happiness, I am an Embarrassment to Myself, Love, The Blog Crush

Andy Warhol Thinks I’m Awesome

Today was the first day of my new history class, and I was… classic.

I got up at 8am sharp (well no, my alarm got up at 8am sharp, I got up around 8:30) and stumbled into the shower, did my makeup as quickly as possible (for me) and threw on the BEST first day outfit of all time – my dark purple jeans, paint splatter top, reddish-coral sweater, and a very cool shawl (yes it’s possible) which I think is reminiscent of Andy Warhol and his Pop Art genius. Oh, and black fingerless gloves from Urban, to ward off the morning cold.

I was supposed to get a ride from my brother, but when I finally dragged myself out of bed, he’d already left (perhaps I forgot to remind him of our carpooling plans.) As it was already too late to take the bus, I asked my mom to drop me at school. (She was none too pleased, but took me anyway… ain’t she sweet?) But on our way there, I suddenly realized that she was taking me to work and not to school! However, I REMAINED CALM! I would only be a few minutes late… not a huge deal.

When I finally made it into class (second floor, down the hall, on the left) everyone was already sitting down… and I do mean EVERYONE (the class was pretty full, so I had to ask to be directed to an open seat near the back.) As I walked through the rows of seats, past the students all agog at the apparently very late me, I was very aware of the unusually bright outfit I was sporting – Red sweater! Green fingernails! Multi-colored shawl! And gloves! Look at me! I am late, and I’m LOUD!

Turns out, I was actually a full HOUR late, not just a few minutes. Whoops! Guess I should’ve read that course schedule a little more carefully!

On the plus side, I definitely made an entrance… and I stood out, with my head held high, and my Andy Warhol Shawl a-blazing!

On the down side, I now have to maintain this polished-spazz appearance… because, hi, you can’t just go to class one day in brights, and show up the next day in dreary darks. There’s no hiding now!

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Filed under I am an Embarrassment to Myself

Abba’s in the living room, and Dorota will get your coats

As those of you who joined I Wish My Life Was a Musical! on Twenty Something Bloggers may have guessed, I am very much in love with musicals. So much so that my friend Alana and I have this long-standing wish to actually live in one!

So, In an attempt to make our lives more musical, I recently purchased this game

Right after buying this movie

(Yes, I’m a spend-head… don’t judge!)

Anyway, Me and my brother Drew (who is straight by the way, just in case this post confuses you) got home at around 6pm last night and started playing Abba SingStar on the PS3… and we didn’t stop playing it until 8. Needless to say, I love this game! Not only do you get to sing your ass off to all the Abba hits you know and love, but the music videos that play along with the songs are amazing. Outrageous costumes, makeup that looks like it’s melting under the not-so-perfect lighting, and absolutely hilarious choreography = Pure 70’s magic! There’s also a bit of 80’s and early 90’s in there, which doesn’t hurt.

There is, of course, one flaw in the magical world of SingStar; and that is – if you thought you could sing before, you won’t after playing this game! I am one of those people who loves to sing in and out of the shower, and most of the time I think I sound pretty good. Not amazingly fantastic and earth-shattering, but not horribly out-of-tune and pathetic either. Playing this game, though, makes me think maybe I am more of the latter. Somehow I always seem to conveniently forget this right before playing (we also have the 80’s SingStar), and the shock of it all can be a bit embarrassing. But then I recover and forget about the embarrassing part, and sooner or later I find myself being humiliated by my own lack of skill all over again! It’s the cycle of life, or something. (Alana was really excited to come over and play, until she got here and realized that Oh, right, this is a game where you have to sing in front of people!)

On another note, Gossip Girl is getting darker and darker. I just finished watching it on the DVR and let’s just say it was almost as depressing as last week’s! But seriously, I’ll be the first to tell you that I was thrilled with all the new plot-lines that came to light before the holiday break, and I still think it’s genius of the writers to give us a story we can actually break our hearts over – I just don’t know how much more of this I can take! Thank God for Dorota, she’s just the subtle kind of comedic relief I need!

Until tomorrow (or, you know, later),
Ambles

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Filed under Fandemonium, Gossip Girl = Love, I am an Embarrassment to Myself, Life at Home, Mamma Mia Madness, Musicals and Me