Or, nothing’s happened… depending on how you look at it.
In case you hadn’t noticed, not a lot happens here in The Land of the Weirdo (i.e. me); unless, of course, you count all of the things that happen in The Mind of the Weirdo (also me).
Seriously, if you were made to live a day in my head, I can pretty much guarantee your desperate attempt to escape within the hour. Except on some days. Some days are brilliant and holy, and full of Stevie Wonder, The Blog Crush, and hilarious music videos. Some days it is all that is lovely and warm and perfect. Some days it is all happiness. Today, however, was not one of those days.
Let me give you a little introduction…
Me and my friend Evie have known each other for about 6 months… not exactly life-long friends, but we’ve gotten close. We enjoy spending time together and she’s one of the few people in life who I’ve instantly “clicked” with. We’ve had our ups-and-downs (there was one month where she thought I was perpetually mad at her for no apparent reason) and we’ve made it out the other side to what has become an even, balanced friendship.
Well a couple months back, Evie decided to ask me if I thought of her as more than a friend. She had been getting what she percieved to be mixed-messages, and was having trouble “figuring me out.” In one of those pivitol-moments-that-would-be-a-lot-more-pivitol-if-it-weren’t-for-the-invention-of-texts, the truth came out: I didn’t have feelings for her… but she had feelings for me. We decided to stay friends anyway. I hoped it wouldn’t be weird at all, and she assured me that it was no-big-thing, that far more embarrassing things had happened.
And she was right.
I’ll admit that I did feel a little awkward the first time we hung out post-confrontation… I mean, if I had sent her mixed-signals before, who’s to say I wouldn’t end up sending them again? I didn’t want to confuse her, so I became even more aloof than usual.
Fast-forward to the age of now, and our friendship is once again on equal footing, thank God. When you find someone who you can laugh with at just about anything, and who just inherently gets you, it’s not exactly pleasant to think that you may have lost them. Sure, I have my own varrying personalities (you know, the ones in my head) to talk to, but this is different. And sometimes, better.
Anyway, as I had Tuesay off from work this week (as I always have Tuesdays off, possibly because they think I am in school), me and Evie and Suzy-Q all decided to spend the day together. We went to lunch, we drank a little, we talked about sex a lot (okay, mostly they talked, I listened. Hello– virgin!) and we went shopping. It was EXHAUSTING. Too much alcohol, too much sun, too much estrogen. Just… too much. Once the little outing was over (and not a moment too soon… though I do lurve them both) we headed back to Evie’s house to make applesauce-cake (yes, that’s a real thing) and watch a movie (Frida). SQ, as fate would have it, had already made plans to go out to dinner with some other friends (huh?), so she had to leave before the cake was even made. No biggie though, Evie and I have always been great at the one-on-one thing (something about both being just that little bit “off center.”)
So me and Evie made the cake, watched the movie (which was hot – seriously), and were just about to get into the car so she could take me home…. only, it had gotten late. Being pretty sleepy already, Evie didn’t exactly want to get into a car, especially as the ride home from my place would leave her alone and bleary-eyed, which equals danger, and possibly death. In the end I decided to spare her life. We would sleep at her place and get up early enough for me to get home, get showered, and get to class. Perfect.
Now I would like to preface this next bit by saying that I have slept in the same bed as Evie before. I slept fine, although I do generally have trouble falling asleep in surroundings that aren’t very familiar to me. This was the first night in a new room (she had just moved back with her Grandma) so I should have anticipated some trouble in that department.
What I didn’t anticipate, however, was the other reason for not being able to sleep.
To be honest, I had noticed a bit of a change of behavior during the day. Only this time, it was my behavior I was taking note of. Sometimes, when I am attracted to someone, this thing will just click in my brain that says “BE SEXY.” Without much warning, my posture changes, I become very aware of my curves (aren’t I always?), and what’s worse is, I become distinctly and utterly aware of everything I am doing. I become… self-conscious. So I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me that I would still be this way… in her bed.
We talked for a while about important things, things that you only talk about at night… or at least, things that seem to bear more significance when accompanied by darkness and relative silence. And then, we were just lying there… silent, tempting sleep. I listened to the sound of her breathing, to the little snores that proved she was asleep, and that made me smile in spite of myself. Apparently she wasn’t sleeping very well though, because she kept waking up and moving to a slightly different place on the mattress…. I would shift my position, she would change hers…. sooner or later, we were facing each other; separate, but close.
The sexual tension was keeping me up. I could not fall asleep.
At one point, while she was awake, she moved her leg ever-so-slightly and our feet connected at the toes. And it was… insane. I could feel an electric current pulsing through my leg, starting at the place where her foot touched mine. It was impossible not to be aware of. I was experiencing a full-blown, chemical reaction in MY TOES for Christ’s Sake! It was almost too intense. I wanted to move away, to pull my body away from hers, to the far edge of the bed, to safety. But then, if I moved, I wouldn’t be there anymore. And I wanted to be there.
(If you were geared up for a full-on lesbian-encounter story, I’m sorry, but it’s not going to happen. Seriously, you can get your hand out of your pants now! All we did was sleep… when we could.)
For those of you who may be confused, I am not a “lesbian”… I still like boys, very, very much. But I’m also attracted to girls. And I hate the word “bi.” And if that only serves to confuse you even more – go here immediately, it’ll make everything clearer, I swear.
No really, click the link, I don’t have all day.