Vampire?

Last night I had a dream that Chuck Bass was a vampire. Which, if you have ever seen Gossip Girl, is really not that far-fetched. (Gorgeous, hypnotic, intoxicating, venomous – check, check, check, check.)

There was even a moment in the car where I was just about to suggest he put on his seat-belt, ontly to remember that being a vampire, he didn’t exactly need one. (Hello – Immortal?)

Unfortunately, I can’t exactly recall every single detail of said dream, but I do remember that we were being chased by something or someone, that it was dark out, and that the sexual tension was… Mmmm…

Oh, and one other thing I remember? I woke up before anything dirty could happen.

Stupid. Effing. Alarm. Gaaahhh!!!!

*Smash, bang, stomp*

So I guess I will just have to content myself with delicious little clips such as these:

See you all tomorrow for another edition of Slutty Sundays!

I Really Do Love You

Dear Chuck Bass,

What in the world are we going to do with you?

I mean, seriously? First you fucked your best friends ex-girlfriend, then you tried to black-mail her when she got back together with said friend… then they broke up, the two of you fucked some more (or was it before the breakup?) and somewhere along the line, she fell in love with you. And, oh yeah, you were head-over-heels, psychotically in love with her as well!!! But you screwed that up, didn’t you? Yes, you did… because that is what you do. Now she is back together with your friend and you are just lonely and depressed as always.

I could sit here and congratulate you on such a fine job, reprimand you for being so classically stupid – but I love you, so I’m going to help. Let’s take a look at why this happened. Not what happened, as you’re already well aware of that yourself, but why it did. Maybe then you can actually have a shot at being happy… you know, someday.

Reason #1 why you screwed up your own life: You’re a masochist

It’s true. Being one of the top pleasure-seekers of this great world, you wouldn’t necessarily expect this – but there it is: daddy didn’t love you, you blamed yourself for your mother’s death, and let’s face it – you are clearly a British man pretending to have an American accent (it’s a damn good accent, but still… you should be ashamed.)

Because of all these ugly little details, you have been sub-consciously convinced that you are unloveable, and for quite some time now. The only reason it is now coming to light is because you couldn’t stand to let Blair love you. Even though she is clearly hot. Which brings me to reason #2….

Reason #2 why you screwed up your own life: You’re a slut

I know, i know, it’s a bit of a harsh term… but for the sake of keeping this monologue interesting, we’re going to use it anyway. You like to whore it up, let’s be honest. And why wouldn’t you? You’re hot, you’re human, and according to you, you have “great stamina.” I don’t blame you. I really, really don’t. (I’ve seen the girls you date, and what can I say… hot! And clearly slutty, so you’re not really breaking any hearts there.)

But the thing is, I think all this handing it out is actually doing you some damage… And not just because of the wide range of STD’s you could have been exposed to, or the probability of your having a few children you don’t know about. After all, when you were about to fly off to (I can’t remember where) with Blair and actually be happy for once in your life, all your father had to do was say something like, “You know son, you really are going to miss getting all that ass” for you to change your mind. Which would be fine(ish), except that your mind wasn’t really changed. Because when Blair came back, you were clearly sorry. You begged her to forgive you (in your own clearly British way), and oh yeah – you cried! We all saw you, don’t even try to deny it! (But don’t worry, it was hot. And human, which it turns out looks good on you.)

But she didn’t forgive you right away, so the two of you played a rather twisted game of cat and mouse, and at this point I can’t even remember if you were ever together or not. So we digress… and I believe this will be the last reason because it sums it all up nicely. And because really, I can’t be bothered. I love you, but this letter is getting out of hand.

Reason #3 why you screwed up your own life (this would be the last reason, so pay attention): You can’t be happy

You don’t know how. But like anything my dear, sweet Chuck, all it takes is practice. So tomorrow, I want you to get up, sing show-tunes in the shower, and dance like you just don’t care. Laugh at yourself, you’re funny! Those suits, they were ridiculous! (But awesome. Seriously.) And your love life, it’s appalling! But guess what? That can be funny too!

You’re a Brit (don’t try to deny it) so the comedy bit should come fairly easy to you. Just remember, a snicker is not a laugh… and a smirk is not a smile. Take notes from fellow Englishman Robert Pattinson and smile with your whole face… and laugh with reckless abandon. Trust me, it’s better this way.

Oh, and Chuck? Stop putting so much gel in your hair, okay? It’s gross.

Love,

Ambles

P.S. Watch out for Little J… she may say she hates you, but those lingering glances do not lie!

Losing it

I am at work. There is nothing to do. Someone please please tell me you can hear me screaming! And also tell me absolutely anything funny/interesting/in English to keep me from going completely insane!

The past few days have seen my return to the blogging world. It has also allowed me to realize that, when you leave said world and then suddenly reappear, some people may not still be there to greet you! So to all the people I have mercilessly abandoned in my time of non-blogging despair – I am sorry, and will do my best to comment on all your blogs as soon as I can!

In other news, Gossip Girl is FINALLY new tonight! (Isn’t it?) And although I realize that to some of you this is hardly important (nay, that it will in fact cause you to roll your eyes and mutter something bordering on profane), to others, like me, it has been a long time coming. In the last days of our little GG drought, I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night, unknowingly muttering the names of Chuck and Blair over and over again like lost lovers. Where have they been? And who exactly was I meant to turn to in this time of need? Surely not to real people! In the end though, I must admit that the whole Chuck and Blair, will-they (have sex again, say “I love you”, etc.) or-won’t-they plot-line was getting a little tired. I sincerely hope they have had time enough to work out that little kink.

And then there is my life, which I have posted about to some extent over the course of the weekend. The weekend, however, has yet to be fully covered… so I might be getting to that over the next couple of days… or tonight, if I’m bored, which is likely.

For now though, I will have to attempt to find some form of work to do at work. Monday is such a bitch. (Just kidding, Monday. Please don’t hurt me!)

P.S. I realize I have been using a great deal of italics lately. To the point of excess. And beyond. Is it getting to be a little much? Because even I’m starting to get annoyed.

Forget Smart

Okay, so I know that (in theory) the new age of technology is supposed to make all of us much brighter, well-rounded, well-informed citizens of the planet we call earth. And believe me, I know all the right things to read, listen to, watch, etc, to insure that I become one of these super-people (or snobs, depending on how you look at it.) But sometimes, I just need a break.

Enter shows like “Gossip Girl”, “Kath and Kim”, and others, movies such as “Get Smart”, “Baby Momma”, and “Momma Mia!” and any music that makes me want to dance, rather than nod my head in agreement. For the record, the fact that I have become so overtly snobified as of late has caused me to publicly mock possibly all these things, before eventually breaking down, giving in to my inner low-brow child, and finding out that, “Hi. I love them!”

Ask anyone in my family which movie I watch most frequently, and they will probably say “Just my Luck”, “Moonstruck”, or “Arthur.” This is because these are movies that a) I enjoy, and b) I don’t have to think about. Some of them are just plain bad (“Just my Luck” for instance, is clearly crap, but it’s also just so pretty and ridiculous that I end up watching it over and over again,) Some have received critical acclaim (“Moonstruck”) but are floated by some as simply “awful” (The Co-worker and I have had many a dispute over this very topic,) and some are just plain brilliant (seriously, I defy anyone to say anything negative about “Arthur.” It’s genius, end of discussion.)

The point I am trying to make is this: Though I once referred to my questionable taste as “being ironic”, I am now confident enough to tell you, “It’s OK if you don’t want to be smart all the time. Naps are good. Trust me.”

Abba’s in the living room, and Dorota will get your coats

As those of you who joined I Wish My Life Was a Musical! on Twenty Something Bloggers may have guessed, I am very much in love with musicals. So much so that my friend Alana and I have this long-standing wish to actually live in one!

So, In an attempt to make our lives more musical, I recently purchased this game

Right after buying this movie

(Yes, I’m a spend-head… don’t judge!)

Anyway, Me and my brother Drew (who is straight by the way, just in case this post confuses you) got home at around 6pm last night and started playing Abba SingStar on the PS3… and we didn’t stop playing it until 8. Needless to say, I love this game! Not only do you get to sing your ass off to all the Abba hits you know and love, but the music videos that play along with the songs are amazing. Outrageous costumes, makeup that looks like it’s melting under the not-so-perfect lighting, and absolutely hilarious choreography = Pure 70′s magic! There’s also a bit of 80′s and early 90′s in there, which doesn’t hurt.

There is, of course, one flaw in the magical world of SingStar; and that is – if you thought you could sing before, you won’t after playing this game! I am one of those people who loves to sing in and out of the shower, and most of the time I think I sound pretty good. Not amazingly fantastic and earth-shattering, but not horribly out-of-tune and pathetic either. Playing this game, though, makes me think maybe I am more of the latter. Somehow I always seem to conveniently forget this right before playing (we also have the 80′s SingStar), and the shock of it all can be a bit embarrassing. But then I recover and forget about the embarrassing part, and sooner or later I find myself being humiliated by my own lack of skill all over again! It’s the cycle of life, or something. (Alana was really excited to come over and play, until she got here and realized that Oh, right, this is a game where you have to sing in front of people!)

On another note, Gossip Girl is getting darker and darker. I just finished watching it on the DVR and let’s just say it was almost as depressing as last week’s! But seriously, I’ll be the first to tell you that I was thrilled with all the new plot-lines that came to light before the holiday break, and I still think it’s genius of the writers to give us a story we can actually break our hearts over – I just don’t know how much more of this I can take! Thank God for Dorota, she’s just the subtle kind of comedic relief I need!

Until tomorrow (or, you know, later),
Ambles