Because He Needs Me

Last night I had a dream about someone.

No, not that someone! The person I dreamt about was someone I have never met, talked to, or had any form of contact with, ever, in my entire life….

Yes, you guessed it, it was a celebrity!

But it wasn’t dirty. Which is sad. (Honest to God, I remain a virgin, even in my dreams! Something has gone terribly wrong…)

Anyway…. in my dream, I was in a large, white room, which was crowded with people attending some sort of function. I have no idea what the function was, nor did it ever occur to me to ask. (As it happens, I’m pretty sure my dream self was none too concerned with the goings-on around her… which is so unlike me… clearly!) At some point or another, I managed to find myself standing next to none other than aforementioned celebrity. But I was like, cool as Le cucumber, of course, because in my mind I know that celebrities are just people and really nothing to scream about (especially as said screaming would probably frighten them) no matter how hot they might be.

I suppose I should tell you who this celebrity was, but I don’t want to. Oh, all right…. it was Robert Pattinson(!)

Seriously, you can stop rolling your eyes now, I can see you from here!

So there I was, standing next to Robert Pattinson, who was gazing off into the distance with a vaguely worried look on his face…

(Now to give this dream some context, I do sympathize with this person in real life… if you have ever seen an interview in which he is asked to answer several questions whilst hoards of teenage girls scream the entire time, you know that he doesn’t exactly get to have a normal life. Some guys would view this as just about the best thing ever, but he doesn’t seem to be too fond of it… plus, the paparazzi’s a bitch, we all know that! )

Sooner or later, I managed to negotiate putting my arm through his… which could have honestly gone over semi-badly considering that we didn’t know each other. But he seemed fine with it… more than fine actually, he seemed to appreciate, even encourage it! I let my hand rest on his sleeve, as he gently twisted his arm up, cradling my arm with his… my hand slid tenderly to the bare skin of his wrist, and the heat of his body was so intense that it shocked me… but not enough to move.  We stayed like this, arm-in-arm, side-by-side, for who knows how long… him, staring into the distance… and me, standing beside him, steeling glances at his face, silent, strong, and supportive.

At one point, another girl came up to him hoping for an autograph. He declined, politely, and continued his steady gaze past her, at no conceivable person, place, or thing. Soon it was time for him to go, and the reason for his morbid concentration became clear.

A huge, garage-like door opened up, and a monstrous crowd of screaming, hysterical girls was revealed. Robert was ushered out of the building and through the crowd, never to be seen by me again.

There had been no exchange of names, no attempt at conversation… and though I suppose I didn’t exactly want for him to go, it never really occurred to me to be sad about it. I had given him what he needed… that strong, wordless support of someone who didn’t require a thing. Someone who understood… if only in theory.

Now, writing this, I had intended to cap-off the dream re-telling by saying something like:

Seriously, what the hell? Why in the world am I having dreams about being a strong, silent form of support for a hot, brooding, famous man?! I should be having dreams about hot, sweaty sex… about taking the world by storm…. about anything rather than hour-long hand-holding!

But now, having written the whole thing… and consequently seeing it in a new light… I think - Why not?

Maybe this isn’t just about being the support for someone else…

Maybe this is about wanting someone who can be the support for me…

Maybe this is about needing someone to provide that strong, selfless form of companionship; who can simply stand there and take some of the weight off.

Or maybe I just have a crush on Robert Pattinson, and want a good reason to hold his hand in my dreams!

Because, clearly, he needs me!

The Big One: In Which Twilight Makes Me Famous

This weekend was the release of the epic Twilight DVD.

As a fan of said movie, it was thus my time to come out of the shadows and join with the crazies as we revelled in all our collective fandemonium (see words fan and pandemonium). We convened at a local Borders, a wild luster of anticipation and excitement in our eyes, as we waited for that pivitol moment when the clock would strike twelve and our craziness would be rewarded.

My favorite part of the whole evening was not, however, finally claiming my copy of the DVD, as I had already pre-ordered mine online (it still hasn’t come … Silly Rabbit). Instead, the night reached its ultimate climax when my answer for “favorite movie moment” was pulled out of a hat (was it a hat? I really don’t know.) Sensing a prime opportunity for subversive behavior, I had written down my actual favorite moment in a way that would undoubtedly make me sound like a total bitch, or like someone who didn’t really like the movie at all…

Unfolding the little piece of paper, None-too-impressed employee #1 began to read the 9th answer out of what had been mostly sappy, obvious responses. Me and my friend Alana (who had also won for an answer with some actual originality) were crossing our fingers. It was going to be too sad if mine wasn’t picked. It just had to happen.

“This person’s favorite movie moment…” she began, with feigned interrest, “was… when Bella was dying.” She deliverd the line nice and slowly, a true professional with a flair for the dramatic pause, and laughed. Smiling to myself at the sheer comedic genious that is me, I made my way up to the front of the crowd as girls cheered, laughed, and one woman said something like, “That’s terrible!” in a very dissaproving tone. Once there, None-too-impressed (until now) employees #1 and 2 smiled appreciatively and handed me my prize. A dinky picture of Emmit in his backwards baseball cap. Lame. But what did I care? Clearly, the real prize here was the glory.

Later, as I perused the Writing Supplies section and waited for Alana to purchase her DVD, a girl of about 12 came up to me, said “I liked your favorite moment!” and ran away. Satisfied in having passed on my morbid sense of irony to an impressionable youth, the night was thus complete.

However, that was two days ago (okay, technically one day since it was a midnight release party) and my DVD still isn’t here.

 Note to shipping companies: when I pre-order something that is said to come out on a specific date, I mean business… let’s not tempt my sanity into deteriorating anymore, shall we? We both know it’s not the end of the world… but come on, if you had done this to the Harry Potter people, they would have had your ass on a plate. Just sayin’.

Don’t Be Fooled

He’s Just Not That Into You, In a Nutshell

Act 1: The Scenario
Alex and Gigi meet at the bar where he (Alex) works and she (Gigi) hopes to run into a man who never called (even though he said he would.) Alex, sensing Gigi’s desperation, tells her flat out that if the guy she’s stalking wanted to call her, he would. Thus, “he’s just not that into you” is uttered for the first time in a movie which bears it’s name.

Act 2: The Plot Thickens
Gigi, surprisingly relieved by the brutal, unsympathetic truth, begins asking Alex for advice on a regular basis. This leads to the two spending quite a lot of time together, whether on the phone or in person. One night, as Gigi sits at home watching “Some Kind of Wonderful,” she is struck by the sudden realization that Alex is in love with her(!) or must be.”There are all these signs!” She trills, in a much too familiar voice (to me).

Act 3: The Climax (without a “climax”)

(This is where those who fear spoilers should skip ahead)

Gigi, convinced of Alex’s love for her, stays late at a party he is hosting and proceeds to “throw her body at him.” Confused and alarmed, Alex scolds Gigi, saying, “You take every little detail and throw it out of proportion!” (Or something to that effect. Seriously, I can’t be expected to remember the exact line!) Nearly defeated, for once, Gigi tells him that “She’d rather be like that than be like him.” According to her, Alex is even further from finding love than she is, because, hello, he has a serious problem with cynicism! The truth of her words is evident in Alex’s responding “Shit, she’s right” expression.

Act 4: The Resolution

Alex, taking extremely well to being yelled at by his friend, realizes he has fallen for Gigi. So he shows up at her apartment one night, confesses his love, and (when she simply will not shut up or stop “rejecting” him) kisses her and says something so predictably sweet that it would be absolutely nauseating if it weren’t for Justin Long.

My Problem:

This would NEVER happen in real life! Usually, when a girl yells at a guy for not being in love with her, he does not proceed to then actually fall in love with her. To guys, as far as I can tell, such a speech would communicate far too many needs and make said girl look “high maintenance.” I love Ginnifer Goodwin and especially Justin Long, but I can’t believe this ending. I really can’t.

For those of you wondering why the hell I am re-capping a movie that came out decades ago (or, more precisely, a month), my answer is this:

I am moving on! The crush on The Coworker still lives (I cannot lie), but it is dying more and more each day (Yay death! said the hopelessly jaded blogger.)
He is not interested in a relationship, I am. He may very well be attracted to me (Come on, he so is), but one heated affair in the back room at work is not going to satisfy my every want and need, but instead create a whole other set of needs that I will in turn expect him to fulfill. And he can’t. And honestly, I don’t think I’d want him to, not if it meant tricking him into giving me something (a relationship) that he never really wanted to give in the first place.

So, as of now, we are moving on, we are obsessing about Twilight, we are brainstorming ideas for possible script-writing projects, we are re-embracing singledom (and by “we” I of course mean me!)

And you know what? It feels kind of good.

P.S. I’m upgrading to a Justin Long.

Where For Art Though, Duckie?

As women, we have been genetically programmed to seek out a mate with whom to breed a superior spawn. Or so they say. See, physical attributes, though appealing (at times) do very little to inform us of that one key thing – CHARACTER. Which is why, after careful consideration (I kid), I have decided to become more… wait for it… OPEN MINDED!!! (There’s also a chance that a re-viewing of a certain iconic 80′s movie has swayed my thinking. Let’s just say I don’t need a major appliance.)

Which brings me to…. My Obsession of the Week: Nerds!

Or should I say, Hollywood nerds?

Here are a few of my faves – - –

Nerds are amazing for many reasons, one of which is, they do not think they’re cool (okay, some do… but for the sake of this blog we’re going to pretend that isn’t true), which means – less arrogance over all – which, let’s face it, is a rare commodity.

Also, they will LUUUUV you! Traditionally speaking, when a nerd falls, he falls hard! No more guessing whether or not the guy likes you… if the guy in question is a nerd, chances are he’s already told you… several times.

And last but not least, they listen. That is, if you can somehow manage to veer the conversation away from World of Warcraft, Fables, and the mythology of Star Wars. (Guys, if you’re out there, don’t be offended – you know I love you.)

So girls, next time you’re walking around thinking, “Hey, who should I procreate with?” be smart, see a nerd.

Wicked!!!

Just saw Wicked at the Orpheum in San Francisco, and it was a-maz-ing!

(To be frank, I am a bit partial to Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. Okay, more than a bit partial. More like seriously-crazy-obsessed. But the cast at the Orpheum did do an amazing job.)

The costumes were fantastic… and the set? Totally freakin’ awesome! There is definitely a very distinct aesthetic to the world of Wicked, and it is honestly as integral a part of the musical as anything else, music included.

I am still in awe of anyone being able to summon the amount of vocal stamina necessary to carry on for an ENTIRE show (must be exhausting.) Add to that the masterful comedic timing, acting, dancing, etc, etc, etc, and I am pretty much at a loss for words to describe all the talent flying around on that stage. Jealous? I think so. Impressed? Clearly. Dying to see it again? Um, yes. Yes. A thousand times yes!!!

Abba’s in the living room, and Dorota will get your coats

As those of you who joined I Wish My Life Was a Musical! on Twenty Something Bloggers may have guessed, I am very much in love with musicals. So much so that my friend Alana and I have this long-standing wish to actually live in one!

So, In an attempt to make our lives more musical, I recently purchased this game

Right after buying this movie

(Yes, I’m a spend-head… don’t judge!)

Anyway, Me and my brother Drew (who is straight by the way, just in case this post confuses you) got home at around 6pm last night and started playing Abba SingStar on the PS3… and we didn’t stop playing it until 8. Needless to say, I love this game! Not only do you get to sing your ass off to all the Abba hits you know and love, but the music videos that play along with the songs are amazing. Outrageous costumes, makeup that looks like it’s melting under the not-so-perfect lighting, and absolutely hilarious choreography = Pure 70′s magic! There’s also a bit of 80′s and early 90′s in there, which doesn’t hurt.

There is, of course, one flaw in the magical world of SingStar; and that is – if you thought you could sing before, you won’t after playing this game! I am one of those people who loves to sing in and out of the shower, and most of the time I think I sound pretty good. Not amazingly fantastic and earth-shattering, but not horribly out-of-tune and pathetic either. Playing this game, though, makes me think maybe I am more of the latter. Somehow I always seem to conveniently forget this right before playing (we also have the 80′s SingStar), and the shock of it all can be a bit embarrassing. But then I recover and forget about the embarrassing part, and sooner or later I find myself being humiliated by my own lack of skill all over again! It’s the cycle of life, or something. (Alana was really excited to come over and play, until she got here and realized that Oh, right, this is a game where you have to sing in front of people!)

On another note, Gossip Girl is getting darker and darker. I just finished watching it on the DVR and let’s just say it was almost as depressing as last week’s! But seriously, I’ll be the first to tell you that I was thrilled with all the new plot-lines that came to light before the holiday break, and I still think it’s genius of the writers to give us a story we can actually break our hearts over – I just don’t know how much more of this I can take! Thank God for Dorota, she’s just the subtle kind of comedic relief I need!

Until tomorrow (or, you know, later),
Ambles

One-Day-Weekend Wonder

When you work in retail, you will find that your definition of weekends is just not the same as it used to be. Today was a Saturday, and miraculously I did have the day off! (Not tomorrow though, I have to open the store at 9am on a Sunday – wooh!) So to celebrate, I had an amazing day of doing absolutely nothing, and it was fantastic!

Part one of the wonderful nothing was watching a movie with my brother Drew and mutual friend Alana. Now, it must be said that our version of watching movies involves a lot of talking and very little actual watching. It’s just one of the benefits of being at home and not at the movie theater (where people typically don’t appreciat that kind of behavior!) The movie of the day was “Mamma Mia!” and it was… perfect. For anyone who wants to be able to both mock and enjoy their movies, “Mamma Mia!” is the choice for you!

After that, we headed on down to Ulta, followed by Target, followed by Barnes and Noble, followed by home (the ultimate destination.) I bought a few things as late christmas presents to myself/rewards for doing so little shopping lately (wait…) The first item on my list was a new Con-Air Ionic Hair Dryer with a diffuser attatchment, for my poor, suffering hair. Next was a tried-and-true brand of Shampoo and Conditioner, also for the suffering hair. After that, “Mamma Mia!” on blu-ray (the copy we were watching earlier was sadly not mine to keep.) And to finnish the shopping extravaganza, a copy of New Moon for Edie-girl (we’re exchanging our christmas presents later.)

All in all, it was the perfect day for me and my tired-ass self. Here’s hoping I’m rested enough to wake up for work in the morning! Oh God, I think we’re out of coffee…