Recently I have been finding it rather difficult to update this blog on a daily basis. I have posts in mind – things I want to say, things I probably will say but know I shouldn’t, etc. – but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write when I am actually at a computer! It’s beyond frustrating, especially as I seem to be suffering a decline in readership at the moment…
BUT, I will continue on… because I have to, godamnit! And because, really, why give up now?
So… today I am not feeling all that great (physically)… The shaky/freezing aspect of last night is gone, THANK GOD, but now I have a cough and I sound like a frog. Well, okay, I don’t really sound like a frog… I still have a human voice, but it is just a little froggier sounding than usual!
Because of this momentary impediment in my physical wellness, I slept in REALLY, REALLY late this morning. Okay… it was noon, the morning had gone. I was punished for my lethargy with a splitting headache, but it has since been defeated by an Ibuprofen and coffee chaser. Western drugs, yay! And really, I should not be writing today, because my mood is crap. But I will go on! (Currently, the Spice Girls are playing on my iPod for energy-boosting awesomeness… no joke!)
As it became very clear very quickly that I would not be doing anything productive today, I decided to break out the new NYLON and live vicariously through other people’s creativity. And then, it hit me – the reason why I have been lately feeling so Effing uninspired… I live in a SUBERB! As far as revelations go, this one is not very significant. I have been aware of my address for quite some time, ever since the amnesia wore off and I stopped insisting that people refer to me as Goddess Divine (kidding!)… But I guess the real revelation was in realizing just exactly how much my surroundings have been affecting my state of mind. How can I be inspired in a land where everything stays the same?! Is it any wonder that I feel this strange compulsion to shop/re-invent myself/cultivate ridiculous obsessions every other week?! I think I may be on to something here…
The only question now is – how the hell do I get out of here?
I need to start making more money, that much is clear.
In the past, I thought this meant college, a career, etc. But in going back to school and attempting to figure out what exactly it is that I want to do, I have discovered something – I hate school. Really, truly, physically hate it. I used to think it was my pathetic lack of social skills that made me so miserable in high school, but I was wrong… it was the being forced to sit through six painfully uninteresting classes a day that was the true source of my unhappiness! Of course, the having so few real friends part didn’t help either…
Currently, the plan is to get a Cosmetology license. I already cut and die my own hair, obsess over other people’s (celebrities) appearances, and see potential makeovers everywhere I go… so this should simply be a natural extension of that which I already am… right? I figure that if all goes well, I will be able to move out of my parents house (and into an apartment with oddball roommates… yes!) manage my own affairs (as in, shop, see movies, go to shows, etc.) and maybe, if I’m really good about saving (I’m not), I’ll be able to do some actual travelling - which I NEED… seriously, my soul is dying without it.
I also need to develop more of a personal life… for your sake as much as my own! I realize it is no coincidence that my view count peaks every time I write about one of those silly little crushes of mine… and I sincerely apologize for the utter lack of development in that area.
(Okay, I realize that it is really not necessary to apologize to all of you for simply failing to develop my own personal life… that I am probably, in fact, only transferring my own regrets onto you! But really, I think I would get annoyed if I were reading a story and all the author ever did was introduce love interrests who dissapeared a few pages later. I really will have to do something about that!)
More money and a personal life
This should be do-able, right?