It’s possible that I will read this at the poetry thing tomorrow night… just POSSIBLE. With all the right dramatic tonations… the slooow annunciation… and some slightly heavy breathing, at just the right points.
I was flung myself off of
A rope I tightened too fast round my neck
That odious gas I breathed in as blossoms
You poison me with your glorious breath
And words you spoke, unthinking
And lines you wrote while sleeping
You do this for your own means
But you cannot see the hurt
Will you not know me as I sleep to death
Wrapped in warm, fictitious covers?
Will you desert me in my time of need
Of everything unholy?
I need you like a deity
You disappoint as such
I do not understand you
But I love you,
Or I must
We both distrust each other
You’re a liar
So am I
I wrap you in my arms
Like a lover lost in lust
You don’t know me
But you want me
I’ve convinced you of this much
But your kisses only smother me
Your clutching hands leave marks
You break me open in your haste
I come back to you for more
Still intact enough to move
I have not been broken small enough
There are fragments of me still
Still fragments to be heated
To be melted down to nothing
To become those fatal gasses
That will aggravate your lungs
So be ever what you are
My poisonous desire
The thing that kills me
Makes me still
Leaves me here with nothing
Not even myself
Nor life, nor death
Nothing at all but who you are
A murderous, disastrous love
****
Okay, so I realize there are many mistakes… especially in the pacing at the last two paragraphs (stanzas?)… so if you know how I could correct this, or have ANY advice at all, PLEASE tell me! You know, before I read it out loud to a room full of strangers.
Sadly, poetry is like… the one thing I’ve never tried, so I’m pretty useless at providing advice.
HOWEVER…
I once read, in a little funny book, that all emo, student poems should end with a single word, on a single line.
Alone.
Haha. I even look emo now… which is AWESOME. But not really… I’m just going to pretend that I’m too pin-up-y to be emo…
Wait, what were we talking about?
Oh yah, poetry!
Well thank God, something I can do that you can’t. LOL. Finally!
I wanna see the black hair!
And I am sure there are plenty of things I can’t do that you can!
Oh… I know there are!
(Jeez, why does everything I say sound dirty? Or is that just me?)
I might just post a black hair dye picture… only if it goes with the post, though!
you should put periods in.
lol.
i have a book that has helluh poems in it still i think unless i sold it back. but anyway, just reading poems will help you know what a poem SHOULD look like. which is why ithink workshops are pointless. lol
Yah, I actually like this one A LOT better when I’m reading it out loud. It just lacks that “Oomph” factor when it’s silent!
And yes, workshops are lame.