This is another ill-advised letter to another ill-advised interest. You have been warned, and if you don’t like it you can suck it. (Or, more appropriately, you can go read another blog because I quite frankly don’t have any interest in pleasing you.)
To The Coworker,
I have had more than enough of your poisonous silence, tactless evasions, and general bull-shit. I don’t know what else I can do to make you comfortable enough to actually talk to me, or not make a complete mockery of the friendship we had only just a month ago. You once said that you were an honest man. But lately, your omissions of truth and assertions of “I’m fine”, even when your voice is dripping with venom, have led me to believe that you are, simply put, a liar. An honest man would have told me why he was acting strangely, even if he didn’t think I needed or deserved to know.
The general opinion of your behavior as of late, by those who belong to your same gender, is that you are acting this way because you don’t want to give me the wrong impression. If that is the case, you have failed miserably. On the one hand, congratulations for successfully conveying the message that you are not in any way interested in me as a girlfriend (or for that matter, as anything at all). But if “the wrong impression” can be adequately described as any impression which is not in keeping with the true feelings of the person who fears a mistranslation of their behavior, than your refusal to speak to me is all the more confusing and poorly thought-out. Because the impression you have been giving me is nothing short of hatred. At the very least, you have made me think that I have injured you in some way that has made it impossible for you to regard me as human. At worst, you have made me feel pathetic, vile, and guilty. You have made me feel rejected as a person, and not just as a love interest. And I honestly have no idea how you could have thought this was an appropriate response to my admission that I still liked you. Furthermore, the mere idea that you could be displaying this kind of malice while in your mind believing that your actions were “for my own good” is completely disgusting and is enough to make me despair at your entire sex. On what planet does shutting someone out equate an act of friendship? And if friendship is something that has recently become nothing more than a rotten taste in your mouth, why not spit it out? Why not simply tell me that the fact that I liked you has made you so uncomfortable that you no longer want to be friends? Why not just man up and tell me what on earth is going through your head, rather than leave me to sort it out for myself, with no help from you whatsoever?
If I’m going to be honest, I would like nothing more than to turn back the clock and decide to keep my feelings to myself. We could have had the same friendship we had at work, which was clearly enjoyable and was a welcome diversion from the boredom that usually accompanies an eight-hour shift. But I can’t do that. I can’t go back in time, I can’t change the way I felt, and I can’t just pretend that it doesn’t bother me now. I can’t fix this. But you can. You can decide to fix it. Because it’s with your apathy and lack of consideration that it has been ruined at all. And if you simply don’t care enough to be bothered, as I suspect you don’t, then your decision has been made. And if that is the case, than I sincerely hope that I never have to work with you again. This has all just been a terrible mistake.
